Living the Life of the Age to Come in the Home
Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. Colossians 3:18-21
The family was recognised as a stabilising element in ancient society. It was wider than the nuclear family of the Western world today and included everyone under the authority of its head. In New Testament times the head of a household might be a woman (Lydia in Acts 16:15; Chloe in 1 Corinthians 1:11; Nympha here in 4:15) but usually the head of the household was a man. Lists of household administration and codes of behaviour and duties were commonplace in the ancient world.
Putting the life of the ‘age to come’ into practice begins at home. ‘Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them’ (3:18,19). Neither party is to be arrogant or domineering. The submission here is not that of a slave. The equality of women and men in God’s sight (Galatians 3:28) has not been retracted. There is a difference between my identity and my role. In a work situation two people may have equal identity in Christ as children of God but roles in that work situation that require submission of one to the other for the business to run. The same is true between a husband and wife. The wife has to be careful not to rule her husband’s life and the husband must ensure his love for his wife, like Christ’s for His people, always puts her godly benefit first. In particular, he must avoid any resentment against her for being, like him, a real human being – and not just a projection of his own hopes or fantasies.
In addressing children as members of the church in their own right, and in giving them both responsibilities and rights, Paul is again allowing the gospel to break new ground. ‘Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged’ (3:20,21). The church has overly taught 3:20 and under-taught 3:21. Both sides are clearly necessary. Children need disciple and so do parents. The word ‘embitter’ means to provoke. The reference is to the constant nagging or belittling of a child, the refusal to allow children to be people in their own right instead of copies of their parents’ fantasies. Children treated like this become ‘discouraged’: hearing both verbally and non-verbally they are of little value. The parents’ duty is to live out the gospel to their children, to assure them they are loved and accepted and valued for who they are, not for who they ‘ought’ to be, should have been, might have been or have become. Obedience must never be the condition of a parent’s love. A child’s willing obedience ‘pleases the Lord’ (3:20).
Living as a Christian begins in the home. This is where the rubber meets the road, where I learn to be the person God has called me to be. Every home is different but here is where we learn to live a consistent and authentic Christian life.